The Importance of Engaging

If you remember Monaca's episode from X-Weighted: Families Season 4, we saw how she was feeling disconnected from her Mom and the affect of the gaping emotional chasm between them. Monaca felt neglected, like her Mom was always critical when they did interact, and that she favoured her 3 year old brother, Brock, over her. Her Mom, Tracy, admitted to this, saying "Sometimes it's easier not dealing with her," and admitting that she always takes Brock's side over Monaca's. This lack of connection between Monaca and her Mom was a major factor in Monaca's motivation and attitudes toward food.

The Danger of Playing Favourites.

When one parent obviously favours another, it has a real impact on a child's self-esteem, says registered psychologist Jeanne Williams, who is based in Edmonton and specializes in working with children and families. "Each child needs to know that they are loved by and important to their parents.  It is important to the child’s self-esteem, and to the child’s sense of self-competence.  And feeling competent is crucial to making healthy choices," says Williams.

Parents need to recognize that although it may seem like one child needs more attention because they are younger, as in the case of Brock, or because they have special needs of some sort, all children need attention from their parents (no matter how independent they may seem.) "One child’s needs may not be as visible, or as urgent as another’s, but if that fact is taken advantage of, and the child is always put off - or feels like they are always put off - it will most likely cause problems at some point down the road, if not immediately," says Williams, "The child who does not seem to be needy may be taking care of their needs in unhealthy ways, such as food, TV, drugs, or friends that have a negative effect on them."

What Being More Involved Does For Your Child

When your child is making unhealthy choices, whether that be in their eating habits or other areas of their lives, parental involvement is of paramount importance. "Healthy and regular parental engagement creates a secure base for the child from which they are more likely to make healthy choices; it keeps communication lines open so that the child is more likely to discuss those choices with the parents; just the fact of spending more time together lessens a child’s opportunities to make poor choices; and it allows more opportunities for the parents to talk through the complexities of making choices, and for the parents to be a role model for the child – something that just can’t happen if the parent isn’t around, or does not engage with the child," explains Williams.

When a parents steps up and becomes more present in their child's life, the effects of doing so are often immediate -however, they may not be the benefits the parent was looking for or expecting, and the benefits may not be immediately visible... but they are happening.

Some of the immediate benefits are that the child feels more secure (and thus in a better position to make better choices.) "Important lines of communication are open and that parent is able to provide a role model and have positive conversations with the child. In addition to this, even if the child does not seem to be changing their lifestyle/choices, positive parental engagement provides an accepting atmosphere in which the child is free to make changes at any time in the future - instead of focusing their energy on rebelling against that parent," says Williams.

You Don't Have to be Perfect, Just Present

As parents, we don't have to be perfect to inspire our kids to make healthier choices, but what a parent does need to do is model a consistent effort toward becoming healthier, and that can be done from any previous level of health.

"If a skinny fit parent has an obese child, that parent can still identify some important health goals, maybe to stop smoking, or to cut down on stress, or to spend more time with family, and then can model how they handle the ups and downs of meeting those goals. And for an obese parent with an obese child, they can take the journey together," says Williams, "In both cases, it is most effective if the parent is positive, spends more time pointing out when the child makes good choices than when the child makes poor choices, and uses humour, having fun with the process. And realize that becoming more healthy is really a process – a journey - not just a goal that once reached you don’t have to think about anymore."

This post is a repeat, but look forward to more original content to come in the future.